I'll Make A Grown Man Cry
by jono74656
Summary: 5 times someone interrupted the locker room kiss 1 time Kurt made his own interruption. 'Never Been Kissed' AUs


**AN: I was bitten by another rabid plot bunny people, and this is the result. IDEK.**

**I want to make it clear in advance that I don't hate Karofsky. I'm not a fan of the character in canon but I have seen well-written portrayals of the character in fandom that have blunted my season 2 rage. **

**Disclaimer: It ain't mine.**

**Warnings: Mild violence. Language.**

I'll Make A Grown Man Cry

(aka 5 times someone interrupted the Locker Room kiss + 1 time Kurt made his own interruption)

1. Beiste and Sam

Sam was feeling really good right now. He'd had his doubts about the ice baths and all, but Coach Beiste had gotten his dislocated shoulder back into game-ready condition in half the time the doctors had predicted.

He was thanking the Coach for the third or fourth time when they rounded the corner into the locker room and the Beiste was just gone. He just had time to see a jock holding a slender figure in place and kissing them, see large eyes, shining with tears, crying out for help over the jock's shoulder, before Coach Beiste was seizing the back of a letterman jacket and heaving, pulling the jock off his... Date? Victim? Unwilling Kiss Partner?

All his thoughts froze when he saw the slender figure was Kurt, his graceful, artistic hands shaking and silent tears coursing down his cheeks as he slowly sank to the floor, cradling his head in his hands and choking back sobs. Sam whirled on the jock, currently pinned against the lockers by Coach Beiste, and a snarl leapt unbidden from his throat as he looked into the eyes of Karofsky.

He'd seen the former puckhead shoving Kurt into a locker just the previous day and had been about to intervene when Mr Schue came along. Apparently the teacher hadn't done much good if Karofsky had escalated to forcing a kiss on Kurt. And wtf? Since when did Karofsky like dudes? He was like the most violent homophobe in this school full of violent homophobes.

The Beiste's eyes were flat and cold as she stared at Karofsky, and figuring she had him under control Sam sprinted across the room, dropping to the floor next to Kurt and gingerly wrapping an arm round his shaking shoulders. The slender teen looked up for a split second, seeing who it was, then he was diving into the blonde's embrace.

Sam gently held Kurt, soft comforting noises spilling from his lips as he rocked the brunette, who was clinging to him almost desperately. He kept his eyes fixed on Karofsky, even as the jock was hustled from the room by Coach, hopefully she'd take him straight to the Principal's office and get his ass expelled.

Kurt's sobs slowly dried up, and he sat up in the circle of Sam's arms. His eyes were red-rimmed and his usually perfect skin was blotchy, but he looked more Kurt-like than he had since the moment Sam walked into the room. He quickly extracted a tissue and a compact seemingly out of thin air and began dabbing tear tracks from his cheeks. Sam closed the compact and Kurt looked up at him, eyebrow arching in a manner that was quickly becoming familiar.

"You okay, Kurt?" He winced immediately, cause what kinda dumbass question was that? Of course the dude wasn't okay.

Kurt just sighed softly, and his voice broke as he responded, "It's just. Until today, I had never kissed a boy."

Sam's mind went blank for a moment, and the urge to find Karofsky and punch him exploded in his chest, but he restrained himself, for Kurt's sake.

"You still haven't. He might have kissed you, but you didn't kiss him. You'll have your first kiss with a boy you **want **to kiss."

Kurt smiled up at him for a second, then he began to struggle, and Sam immediately unwound his arms from around Kurt's lean frame, the brunette rising smoothly to his feet and collecting his messenger bag from the floor, tutting over the scuffs on it. He headed for the door, already pulling out what looked like the cleanup kits all the 'gleeks' carried, but he stopped just inside the door and turned back, a strange, hesitant smile on his face.

"Thank you, Sam."

The genuine affection in Kurt's voice warmed and embarrassed Sam in equal measure; he raised a hand and scrubbed it through his hair, ducking his head to hide his blush. "No problem Kurt. And listen, I'm sorry about not saying anything when Puck and Artie were being idiots about our mash-up, we coulda toned down some of your ideas and really kicked the girls' asses."

Kurt's smile widened. "Who says we won't anyway? The six of us in tuxes are gonna blow their leather-clad derrieres right out of their seats."

With that, Kurt swivelled on his heel, fabulous fuck-me attitude firmly back in place, and strode out the door. Sam watched him go with a smile, eyes drifting momentarily to THAT ass as it strutted away.

When Kurt was out of earshot, he whirled and punched a locker, then headed for the Beiste's office. He would wait for her there, and they could figure out a way to make sure shit like this never happened again.

2. Puck

Puck smirked as he looked at himself in the mirror. Those nutcases in juvie might have kicked his ass, but back in McKinley he was badass number one, and he had the brand-new nipple ring to prove it. His mohawk was back, and so was his mojo. Lopez was already panting like a bitch in heat whenever she saw him, and he wasn't even trying yet. He kissed his guns. It was good to be back.

He suddenly heard raised voices in the locker room. One was definitely Karofsky, but the other was higher pitched and sounded furious. G-d, he hoped that moron hadn't done something stupid like knocking somebody up, McKinley had officially had enough baby drama last year.

He slouched into the room, and froze at the sight of Karofsky seizing Hummel, holding him in place and leaning in like he was gonna kiss him? What the fuck? Puck had called dibs on the gleek the minute he'd seen him in a Cheerios uniform, didn't Karofsky know that? Just cause he'd gone to juvie didn't mean Karofsky could go round touching Puck's stuff!

He strode across the locker room and seized Karofsky, pulling him off Hummel and slamming him into a bank of lockers. The douche collapsed to the floor, and glared up at Puck, cursing non-stop as he held his side.

Puck just glowered down at him, reaching out without looking and pulling Hummel behind him; Karofsky's eyes fixed on Hummel as he peered over Puck's shoulder, and the moron tried to struggle to his feet. Puck simply stood over him and snarled until Karofsky collapsed back, hissing with pain. Puck stared him down for several seconds, then slowly took one of Hummel's hands possessively in his own.

"Karofsky, I want you to listen closely, cause I'm only gonna say this once."

"Don't touch my stuff."

Tugging Hummel along with him, Puck headed out into the main school. he was sure to have one pissed off diva tearing into him once it all processed, but for now the sounds of Karofsky's frustrated growl and the whispers of passersby were music to Puck's ears.

He was back.

3. Brittany and Santana

She didn't even want to know how Britt had managed to leave her bag in the boy's locker room, but she was just glad there was no gym class right now, so it should be empty. She didn't want to spend any longer than she had to in there, prolonged exposure to the smell would probably kill even Coach Sue.

Britt wasn't even fully through the door when she gave a furious shriek and darted forward; Santana chased after her but reeled back at the sight of Karofsky all but mauling Ladyface with his mouth. Britt's foot lashed forward, between Karofsky's legs and up, nailing him right in the balls from behind.

Karofsky's lips pulled away from Kurt's face as he stiffened, a horrendous noise leaving him as he collapsed to the floor and began to twitch, moaning like Lord Tubbington when Britt took away the catnip.

Once he was on the floor Britt ignored Karofsky, moving quickly to Kurt's side and wrapping him in a hug. (No doubt she also copped a feel while she could. Her girl had a thing for her Baby Gay.)

With Britt distracted fussing over Kurt, Santana stepped over Karofsky, resting one foot directly on his crotch. She applied just enough pressure to make her point while staring balefully at him, and could see the understanding and fear dawning in his eyes. It was delicious.

Britt was singing softly to Kurt, who was smiling gently at her, eyes still occasionally flicking to Karofsky to make sure the jock wasn't gonna go near him again. He didn't have to worry about that; if he even looked at Kurt from now on she'd go ALL Lima Heights on his ass. Bitch wouldn't even know what hit him.

She swept Brittany's bag from a corner of the room, and followed behind as Britt led her Baby Gay out of the room, one hand firmly tucked into the back pocket of his skinny jeans. She turned around just before leaving the room and made a 'watching you' motion at Karofsky before turning and stalking away. If she didn't catch up with them Britt would be making out with Hummel again, and she didn't need the competition from his baby hands.

Damned duck fat.

4. Azimio

Az couldn't wait to tell Dave about the look on that loud-mouthed Berry gleek's face when they'd slushied her with a full rainbow of flavours in tribute to her oft-mentioned two gay dads. It had been a classic.

His bro had been hard to pin down lately. Everyone said he was seriously stepping up his campaign against Hummel, and Nelson said he'd seen him locker-check the fairy so hard he'd actually bounced off the other day. That shit wasn't cool. They weren't trying to actually hurt the fairy, just make sure he knew his place. If he turned up badly hurt or even worse their asses would be grass and Burt Hummel and his shotgum would be the fucking lawnmower.

There was a reason they'd only messed up the Hummel's house once. That dude was stone cold terrifying.

One of the JV players said he'd seen Dave headed for the locker room, and a Cheerio said she'd seen Hummel going the same way. Az hustled his way in that direction and prayed he'd get there before Dave did something stupid.

As he strolled into the locker room though, he could see that Dave was indeed doing something fucking stupid. Fucking stupid defined here as trying to mack on Kurt Hummel.

"What the actual fuck dude?"

Karofsky jumped and span, releasing Hummel to stare wide-eyed at Az, skin paling at the sight of the other jock stood there. Hummel didn't hang around, he took advantage of Dave's distraction to dart for the doorway, pale and shaken but otherwise unharmed, thank fuck.

Dave clawed at his face for a second, then straightened, eyes skittering away from Az's face like he was scared what he'd see there.

"Az, man, you saw that fucking fairy dude, he was trying to kiss me, what the fuck is up with that?"

Az just walked across the room and smacked him upside the back of his head.

"Don't try that shit with me bro, I could care less if you wanna kiss the fairy or whatever. But you have to stop this bullying shit if you do. Pulling pigtails is one thing, but it gets old in the third grade and shouldn't leave bruises behind."

Dave's fists clenched and he took a step away from Az, as though fighting the urge to take a swing at him.

"I'm not, I'm not..."

"Gay?"

"I'm not."

"You were just trying to kiss Hummel, that's pretty gay dude."

Dave just growled inarticulately and slammed a fist into the lockers, face contorted with rage and confusion.

"Dave. Seriously. I don't care if you wanna bone girls or you wanna bone guys. It's none of my business what you do with your dick, so long as you're okay and you get back to acting like yourself rather than this 'Fury' thing."

Dave just slumped against the lockers, and Az walked over and slung an arm round his shoulder, hauling him upright.

"We're gonna go to that bar out in West Lima, get you drunk and get you laid. That way you'll be sure if you like guys or not. I mean you enjoyed it when Lopez and Brittany took you to BreadstiX right? Maybe you're bi. You won't know if you really like guys until you've tried. So. Bar. Drink. Get Laid. You on board here?"

"Y-y-yeah. Thanks Az."

"No problem bro. Let's get out of here yeah."

Honestly, this hetero life partner thing was hard work.

5. Sue Sylvester

How hard could it be to track down one flaming fairy in a school this size? Honestly his outfits were visible from space yet her Cheerios couldn't find him? Incompetence like this would not be tolerated, clearly she needed to rethink Quinn as head cheerleader.

If only she could track down Ladyface she could inform him he was a Cheerio again and he better get his finely-toned ass to practice that afternoon or she'd burn all his Alexander McQueen.

Her sole reliable minion, one Becky Jackson, said she'd seen Lady headed in this direction recently, so she was keeping an eye out for the trail of glitter he usually left in his wake. The sight of a smashed bedazzled iPhone on the hallway floor made her eyes narrow. Ladyface loved his phone, whichever moron had damaged it would be in for a world of ranting if Hummel tracked him down.

Cold, high-pitched words drew her towards the boy's locker room, and she stormed in all ready to drag Ladyface away from whichever idiot had drawn his wrath. She shifted gear mid-storm and her voice cracked out like a whip.

"Meathead! Get your paws off my star!"

The jock flinched away from Ladyface and turned to face her, face screwed up with a horrific cocktail of nauseating teen emotions. Lady's face was shaken but his eyes were calm and cold as he stared at Karofsky's back, and he held himself stiffly, unwilling to show weakness. She gave him a fractional nod of approval. He had learned well.

Sue's eyes locked with Karofsky's, the jock's shifting around in the search for an escape route. She felt her gaze going flat and deadly, and smiled internally as the jock paled and began to shake with terror. She strode forwards and clamped his chin in her hand; turning his head to one side then the other.

"It's a pity so many people would notice if you disappeared."

A sudden acrid stench filled the air, and she smirked. Ladyface's nose wrinkled as a yellow puddle formed beneath Karofsky's feet.

"You ever touch a Cheerio again and I'll publicly castrate you. Make sure the rest of your meatheaded friends get that message."

She nodded curtly, seized Ladyface and dragged him along with her as she left the jock all but swooning in fear.

"Congratulations Ladyface! You're a Cheerio again. Get your tight little tushie to my auditorium after class or face the consequences. We're doing Beyonce, make sure your voice is ready."

The slender gleek all but saluted, and she smiled to herself; this was what Schuester was lacking, discipline in his minions.

"Yes Coach. Thank you Coach."

"And Lady, make sure you attend the next Cheerios self defence seminar, we've got one of my former Navy Seal comrades coming in to lecture, maybe that meathead can be his demonstration dummy."

She stalked away without waiting for a reply, she knew he'd be there. With him on board, she was all but guaranteed another National title. She resisted the urge to steeple her fingers a la Mr Burns. Excellent.

and +1

Kurt drove his elbow into Karofsky's stomach, and the jock pulled away from him,letting out a whuffing noise and clutching his stomach. Seconds later he got absolute proof that Karofsky had just eaten, as he bent double, emptying the contents of his stomach copiously over the locker room floor.

Kurt wrinkled his nose at the stench, but otherwise remained unmoved by the jock's plight. He stepped carefully round the puddle of vomit, avoiding getting any on his shoes, and looked down into Karofsky's eyes.

"I don't know what you thought was going to happen after the hell you put me through, but I am never going to date you. Don't ever touch me again."

He turned on his heel and left the room, ignoring the broken moan following out the door. He made a mental note to burn the layers of his outfit the jock had put his sweaty paws all over, and casually directed a janitor to the boy's locker room.

Blaine had told him to have courage, and he had.

Now to stop the rest of the boys from making a complete mess of their mash-up... Tuxedos maybe?

**AN: I still don't know where this came from. It was very strange to write, and I'm not 100% sure on some of the characterisations, especially Azimio.**

**I don't know if 'enjoy' is the right word here, but nevertheless, enjoy people!**


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